There’s been a trend on ‘Black Lesbian Twitter and Facebook’ of ppl shaming, bullying, making fun of and mocking masculine of center women (studs, AG’s, doms, butches) who pose naked or in a sexual/seductive manner. I’m the subject of it quite frequently due to my pics being leaked everywhere except the site I originally posted them on (tumblr) but of course I knew that would happen and besides I have thick skin (FUCK EM, I’m grown). But for those who innocently and proudly want to showcase the pride they have in their body and sexuality, often find themselves in the middle of a storm. As far as I can tell the shaming comes equally from both other MOCW and femmes. I won’t even talk about the body shaming and the hefty side of colorism that comes along with the slut shaming. Of course if the stud is light skinned and super skinny and covered in tats she gets a pass. Anyone else who doesn’t fit that profile is relentlessly badgered with no escape. But for now I’ll only discuss the shaming and suppression of masculine women’s sexuality.
I see hundreds of images of femmes posing in bathroom mirrors showcasing their assets and bragging about who’s the ‘baddest bitch’. These pics are reblogged and retweeted with enthusiasm and thirst at the speed of lightening. Femmes and studs alike enjoy and share these pics until…there’s one of a stud and then the heckling starts. Why the double standard?
In my humble opinion when femmes mock studs for expressing their sexuality it is out of fear and sometimes jealously, especially if the femme that is doing the mocking feels that the stud is better looking or appealing. With the heightened awareness of stud for stud (s4s) some femmes feel they’re competing for the attention of studs not just from other femmes, but also from bois like me who date studs. Making studs feel ashamed for being a woman is a manipulative way of controlling them. It circles back to age old ‘studs shouldn’t do this or that’ rules, that our community has adopted in order to enforce and perpetuate gender roles.
Studs mock and bully other studs because they are insecure and threatened by the womanhood of another stud. Why? Because they haven’t yet embraced their own. They’ve been conditioned to think that acting like a woman or embracing feminine traits somehow demeans their masculinity and threatens their power. Sounds familiar huh (coughs…patriarchy)? Studs join the bandwagon of bullying their peers so they may not be perceived as weak or anything less than the boi they scream they are. If the world sees one stud acting feminine then goddamn we ALL must be punks huh? Again this mentality is rooted in insecurity and the highly charged pressure to conform, enforce gender roles, and NOT deviate from the majority.
In 2013 although most everyone is claiming to love and embrace sex, I see countless dialogue and actions that shame ppl for engaging in it. When gospel singer Kevin Terry was outed as gay because a former lover leaked a video of him giving oral ‘Black twitter’ both gay and straight condemned and vilified him even though I’m sure the ones doing so has either received or given head at some time. Here is a MAN, a seemingly and much perceived straight, dark, black man engaging in an act that’s stigmatized as being ‘bitch made’ because he’s on his knees sucking dick (he’s doing it very well I might add). Because of this one act he’s no longer a ‘man’. Sound familiar (black lesbian community?)
But back to the topic at hand…why studs showing tits and ass is taboo in our community is beyond rational thinking to ME, but clearly I’m in the minority. I’ve known plenty of studs who refuse to get completely naked during sex because they’ve been shamed into not only hating their bodies but ignoring their sexual needs as well (I’ve written a blog discussing that). I’ve talked to studs whose femme girlfriends tried to make them feel bad for having better bodies/curves than them. “You’re a stud, you’re not supposed to be shaped that way!” WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK? And sadly these studs carry guilt and oppression all throughout their relationships because they don’t want their masculinity ever being called into question.
Masculinity is perceived as power and femininity is perceived as weakness, so therefore a stud who embraces, shows off, and is proud of her WOMANHOOD is weak. I think the exact opposite. I think it’s powerful and courageous to embrace your body (HOWEVER IT MAY LOOK) and sexuality (WHATEVER THAT MAY BE). In a world where it is discouraged to be and love yourself it is quite liberating and brave to expose yourself or your sexiness, especially for public viewing. There’s nothing ‘punk ass’ about exposing your sexuality or body under the microscope of scrutiny and judgment and STILL being able to walk proudly and hold your head high.
Again I tell my MOCW, ONLY when you stand up for yourself and your peers will you be free from the imaginary chains that bind your body, spirit and sexuality. Stop being a follower for likes and retweets and be a friend and ally because it’s the right and moral thing to do. You don’t have to always follow the crowd. I can tell you from experience the view is better from the front leading.
My mother taught me
the distinct smell before the rain,
the promise of cleansing.
Didn’t anyone warn you
I’m what natural disasters
are named after?
I am a river,
good luck controlling me
good luck slowing me down.
There isn’t an ounce of age
to my soul.